I moved really far away to grow closer to God.
Tonight, starting while I was going to Yaks Koffee Shop, during the whole time I was there, and on the way back home, God showed me myself, or at least a glimpse of who I am supposed to be. He showed me there was so much back home that robbed me of that.
I think one reason God has me out here now is to gain back parts of me that I lost that I should never have lost. I had to pretty much conform to what everyone wanted me to be back home. I was meant to be spirit-led, but there were those who would discourage me from following the holy spirit if the holy spirit told me to do something out of the ordinary. I was really into ska, punk, industrial, etc and I had started to dress as if I was part of that scene, and everyone told me that it wasn't really me.
And then I started dating this one girl who wasn't really into all that. For some reason, I really liked her anyway. I still made industrial electronic music myself, but in my real life, I had pretty much killed any of what was left of the real me, just to make her happy and to conform. She ended up not really being interested in me anyway, so I was just left messed up (in a bad way) and was messed up for a few years. I actually had suicidal thoughts from time to time, and it was probably perfectly understandable, as I had become someone who I wasn't supposed to be in the first place. I just didn't exist anymore.
The past couple of years, God has started to rebirth a lot of who I am supposed to be in me. I'm now here in Redding, California, and it's an environment where I can be myself again. The challenge is that I had gotten so used to the person I became in North Carolina.
Growing up, I had always felt like I was supposed to be in a town like this. This town isn't 100% what I'd like it to be, but it's close.
I'd like some kind of music scene here. Believe it or not, there's not really much of one here, at least as far as christian music goes. I don't know about the secular scene here. So I figure, why not make a scene? Actually, a friend of mine here, Daniel, suggested that I start a music scene, haha.
I'm going to be getting to work on recording a demo this week on my computer. Who am I going to give the demos to? I have know freakin' clue, haha! Probably to some local churches and stuff. I am not against playing in secular venues either. I will give some to friends here too, of course.
The holy spirit was telling me tonight, as well, that music will be my friend while I'm here in California. It always has been my friend, really, but it's going to be more important than it ever has been.
So, now I've got a small glimpse of who I'm supposed to be, and now my first assignment is to make a scene!
On an unrelated note, I heard someone say "bodacious" today! I haven't heard that word since Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! People used to make fun of me when I was younger, partly for speaking California surfer slang a lot. Well, when I heard that word, I was thinking "welcome home, Joey!" By the way, why were the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles speaking California surfer slang when they lived in New York City their whole life?
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