I remember a time in my life where as a Christian, I was more concerned about right and wrong. I guess during that time I was more legalistic. Yes, there's definitely right and wrong, but I was overly concerned about that.
Now I'm not. The struggle isn't so much right and wrong, but do I believe or not. Do I believe that God is good? Do I believe that he provides all my needs? Do I believe he really cares about me? William Branham and others have even said the real sin is unbelief, just the wrong things we do are the side effects of unbelief.
The thing is, it's getting harder and harder for me to believe. I've seen God come through in some areas of my life, and I'm thankful for that. But with stuff like finances and finding a job (I guess the problem I'm having as a whole is believing he's my provider) I just haven't seen the breakthrough I need. And with each time I'm let down in this area, it's getting harder and harder for me to believe. At times, I feel like I'm on the edge of being agnostic. It's like I believe, I take a step of faith, and I'm let down to a certain extent. I'm provided for to a certain extent, but then there's things I'm still needing. And not all my needs are met like God promised. People keep saying God will never let you down. Well honestly, I've been let down when believing a lot of the time.
I'm not saying I'm agnostic. I'm not at that point. I'm still believing. But I'm just saying, it's getting harder for me to believe lately.
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