BSSM. Am I going?

Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry. It's where I felt called to. I had a prophetic word that I honestly felt confirm it. It was actually a suggestion from this prophetic person, but I actually felt it was the type of suggestion when my parents suggest I clean my room. I especially felt this way since it was a couple of days after my pastor suggested the same thing.

I went. I ended up having to drop out half way through first year.

I wouldn't let it go. I ended up having to leave Redding, California, but still had it on my heart.

I re-applied earlier in the new year.

This week I got a letter saying that right now they feel I'm better suited for Bethel School of Supernatural Discipleship at this time. Basically, it was a nice way of telling me I'm not in.

I felt they had a wrong evaluation of my current situation. Mark Brookes told me to get in touch with my previous revival group pastor to talk about it and then they'll take another look at the application.

I wrote my revival group pastor. But both her and her husband were out on missio trips this week. They should be back next week.

But increasingly, I've had Southern California on my mind. Maybe it's God.

The economy isn't good anywhere in California. But it's where I believe God is calling me. But if you absolutely need a job, there's two places where you absolutely do not want to go, Fresno and Redding.

San Diego has been on my mind lately. There's another ministry school I am looking into there. It has a lot of the same things Bethel has anyway. It's just smaller.

San Diego is an expensive place to live. However, jobs are much more available than they are in Redding.

At this point, I could find out that I'm back in BSSM after they review everything again. But I'm not going to count on it. I am going to count on God! I definitely believe in having faith! But I also believe there's wisdom too. I took the risk (twice, actually) in going to Redding. San Diego, being a place where it's more expensive to live, is a big risk too. I could choose to go to Redding and try to look for a job, but from my experience over the two years I was there, at least for me, it probably won't happen so easily.

I could go to San Diego. I may have to couch surf for a little bit. But I can find a job. Yes, it's a risk, but I think it's the better risk and at this point I believe it's way more worth taking than going back to Redding.

As far as the work I'm doing, well after talking with the person I'm working for this week, there's no real guarantee that I'll have enough work coming in. That was kind of a downer compared to my previous talks with him. He said I would definitely need to find another job and not rely on the work I'm currently doing when I go back to Redding. Well I've been through the Redding job search before. It's incredibly difficult to find one and then once you've got it, it's incredibly difficult to keep it. I've known so many people who lost their jobs and over silly sounding reasons too, just because the economy has never been that great there. They look for reasons to get rid of you.

I have no experience in San Diego. But I do know it's way more prosperous. There's far more jobs that are right up my alley.

I think after weighing my options, San Diego is the better option for me at this time.

Updates...

So I've been doing work in Chesapeake, Virginia.

I plan on being back in California in the middle of April at this time. So that's good.

I had the interview (or the rest of it) last week. However, there seems to be some doubt from the interviewer about my finances. I'm believing I'll get in anyway.

I do believe i need to go back to California, and I believe I also need to move forward into my equipping for ministry.

But now I believe the Holy Spirit is telling me not to limit it to Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry any more. I've realised that being at Bethel has made me aware of other places as well that I could go to. It also got me to where I need to be. My doubt at one point got me out of there. But I can't limit myself to Bethel any more. So I am looking at other options in California. Assuming I get back into school, that's great. I know I'll have the finances. The guy I'm working for is going to be bringing me plenty of work as far as that goes. I guess that's just hard for some people to believe.

It's time to move forward. It may not look like I thought it was going to, but that's ok.

If Bethel doesn't work out, other schools I'm going to try are Potters House School of Supernatural Ministry, Kingdom Training School of Supernatural Ministry, Activation Training Center (do I have that name right) at Awakening in Carlsbad/San Diego, and maybe So-Cal School of the Supernatural.

I'm believing, however, that I will have favor for BSSM and I will get in. So for now, the others are on hold for Bethel. It's taking longer to receive the acceptance letter than it did the time I went there before. I think part of that is because there's a prophetic conference going on at Bethel this week. So I'll have to wait longer than normal.

Back to working here in Chesapeake. Quite frankly, the work has caused me to be in a circle of Christians that I honestly don't feel I mesh well with. I can't agree with a lot of things said and done because of my convictions and the revelation I've had. And it's hard for me to minister like I believe God wants me to. But I feel this is a growing time too. We need to learn to be in unity with other believers. We're not going to agree on everything. That's fine. Yes, there are certain mindsets here that I feel would hinder me, and people expect me to have those mindsets. But I don't have to take on those mindsets.  I am unique. I am becoming who God made me to be and not who man wants me to be.

As far as the relationship with my church back in North Carolina goes, I really don't know. When I'm with them I definitely know that they still love me. I guess maybe some people feel they can't trust me, for various reasons, to meet the goal that they sent me out to complete though. If that's the case, they're putting their trust in the wrong person anyway. It's God they need to trust in. OK, that's one possibility. Maybe it's something else. Maybe God is wanting me to end that close relationship that I've had with the people at my church. It's really hard to tell. I do know that I've said some things that have been hurtful in the past. No, they haven't all read it. But I know Matt has, and possibly others. It was out of frustration, total misunderstanding, and a lack of trust. They're not in the position now that they were in a couple of years ago when they first sent me out to Redding. Things have changed. They're not really even the same church any more for a good part. Yes they have some of the same core people but they're different now. And I trust that it's for the best. I still send Matt updates but I don't expect a response and I don't feel the relationship is what it used to be. I wanted to make things right. I've done what I could and it's time to move on. God bless them. They are still an amazing group of believers.

Moving on...it's time to go into the future. I don't update my blogs much lately. I'll keep it updated from time to time, but I don't know how often.

It's been a while, and the Apple iPad

Hi. It's been a while since I've updated my blog.

So in the work I'm doing, I will be able to make my move back to Redding, California soon. Praise God for that!

I've been interested in the Apple iPad which will be released soon.

Apple obviously did not mean for this to be a full computing environment. However, if one jailbreaks this, it could be. I did read that there's a possibility for multitasking in the iPhone OS updates in the future, but it's not possible right now.

I wish they had just put a full Mac OS X on it, honestly. But I really like this. It will make a great tablet computer. The video playback looks amazing, and surfing the web is very easy on it. The additional keyboard you can add on to it makes it work more like a laptop computer.

Now if I can only download and run GIMP and Inkscape on this thing, that would be sweet! I'm not totally sure about this iPhone OS on the iPad, but I know more recent versions of it have come with the X11 environment, but once again, you must jailbreak it to use it if I understand correctly.

Be careful of those who say "Be careful"

Be careful of those who tell you to be careful!

First of all, I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. And to friends who don't celebrate Christmas, well have a happy day and we'll argue about it later.

Frequently, I when it comes to the supernatural gifts of the spirit, I hear people say "BE CAREFUL". In fact I was just recently having a chat with a friend of mine who is an evangelist, and he told me the same thing regarding believing for raising the dead. He told me this "make sure you're doing it relying on God".

He had good intentions. First of all, my problem is with the way he was looking at it. If Satan had empowered me to raise the dead, and people thank Jesus for it, then what good is it doing? I have a relationship with Jesus. I have authority over Satan, and quite frankly, Satan doesn't like me one bit. Satan would have no reason to empower me, because people are praising Jesus if I do these things anyway.

No, most often, the "be careful" thing stems from this:

Matthew 7:21 – 23
"“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’"

My friends, there are people out there who are preforming miracles in his name who have no relationship with Christ. But what has happened with this verse, I think, is that an assumption has been made by the religious that if someone is doing miracles, prophesying, etc, you should assume that they don't have relationship with God.

This is definitely not the case, as Jesus commanded his people to go into the world, heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, cast out demons, etc.

What's the difference between these two? The ones who are doing miracles and God says "depart from me" to have no relationship. They lack the intimacy with God.

The religious of today have made the assumption that anyone who works in the supernatural is of this category of people that God will say to depart from him. Many of them have had good intentions, but they're wrong. And even those who do believe in the supernatural today, will often times with good intentions, but wrongly, tell people to BE CAREFUL.

How can we judge this? By the fruit! And the meetings or whatever is going on may even look crazy and offend people. But if there's fruit of the spirit, it's definitely of God. If there's joy, peace, righteousness, etc coming out of it, I have no problem with it. And that's not to say these people won't mess up. We need to be careful not to put men of God on a pedastal, because they will fall.

I had no problem with the Lakeland revival or Todd Bentley as a person. I supported him through the revival and I support him through his restoration. However, the revival in Lakeland was not about Todd, it was about Jesus. God could have used any person there. I think we make a mistake when we put people on a pedastal, and when they fall we tend to attack the person and say that the revival was not of God.

And people think "BE CAREFUL" even more so.

I say "BE CAREFUL of those who say 'BE CAREFUL.'" There's potential for them to not have grace. When someone falls, are they empowering the person who fell to come back into right standing? Or are they putting the person down and not allowing them to come back to God?

I say "BE CAREFUL of those who say 'BE CAREFUL.'" Some of these peolpe limit God anyway, and put limits on God where the Word doesn't put limits on him, and use fallen teachers (who were probably good otherwise, but they were human and just as likely to mess up as any of us) as an example of why something isn't of God.

I say "BE CAREFUL of those who say 'BE CAREFUL.'" Some people tell you "All things must be done in decency and in order" as yes, the Bible says, however they don't realize that all things must be done first befor you can have the order. Order, when given the wrong priority, will limit God.

I also say "HONOR THOSE who say 'BE CAREFUL.'" Many of them have a pastor's heart to protect the flock and they have very good intentions. They are just deceived about some things. They may have more faith in Satan's power to deceive you than God's power to keep you. For their heart and wanting to do the right thing, even if they're ultimately wrong about something, honor them.

We all need to learn to hear from the Holy Spirit ourselves on these matters. The Holy Spirit is our teacher. Yes, he uses man to teach us too, but ultimately, Holy Spirit is our teacher.

Here's a standard I use to "BE CAREFUL". It's not the only standard, but it's a big one for me, and very biblical:

2 Corinthians 3:17 (New International Version)
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

When you hear someone teach a message, give a word, etc, do you experience freedom? Are you free to grow? Are you free to move in the power that Jesus said you would move in? Are you free to do the impossible? Are you free from things that hendered you? Do you sense that in the message they gave?

Or are you in bondage to rules? In bondage to things holding you back?

And I say "BE CAREFUL of false freedoms". A false teacher might teach these. Let's use this example: A teacher might say that it's ok to go out and have sex with as many people as you want.

To a carnal mind, it might sound like freedom. But to those who are spiritual, you know it's not because you know it brings about emotional soul-ties that are painful to break. On top of that, if you're not married, you end up losing the trophy of virginity that God has given you.

So that's an example of what I call a false freedom.

I think I've given you some keys on how to truly be careful. And be careful of those who say to be careful, because even with good intentions, they can cause you to limit how God works.

False teachers are the ones who will put you in bondage. And a false teacher is not necessarily someone like Todd Bentley, I think, who by the way admitted what he did was wrong, and I know he would never teach people to do what he did. He is being restored, and I really don't like having to bring this up, because he is forgiven and God remembers it no longer.

Real teachers might be wrong sometiems, but they are the ones who will bring you into freedom.

The ones who do great things...

The ones who do great things are the ones who keep going at the point where others give up.

Those who read my blog regularly know that I definitely haven't given up on Redding and Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry. Sidetracked, yes. Having my own flaws get in the way, one being this constant struggle I've had with fear, yes.

And people might even tell me "you need to put this desire at the cross" and kill it. Well I've done that how many times and God has given it back to me how many times? I think God is tired of me killing it at this point.

I left Redding, not with the intention of giving up. I knew that I had to go back at some point. The intention was to re-evaluate, find work, connect with people, and then be sent back out.

Now most people probably would have given up at the point I was at. I'm sure in my family, and among many other people, if they had gotten to the point I had gotten to in Redding, they would say "Forget this" and "Why put myself through this when I've got a comfortable place to stay where I can always go back to?" But the fact is, that comfortable place to stay is a comfort zone we need to get out of, and though we might think it'll always be there forever, it won't.

The people who do great things are the ones who step out of their comfort zone.

Was it comfortable for the Wright Brothers to get off the ground and try flying, and crash time after time again? After their first successful flight, they even crashed on the flight after that! Yet where would we be in aviation without them today?

For great guitar legends like Jimmi Hendrix, what if he had stopped when his fingers were hurting when he was learning to play guitar? What if other greats had done the same thing? In fact I'm learning to play guitar right now, and my fingers have stopped hurting, but the chords still aren't exactly comfortable for me yet.

Doctors, hoping to find cures to diseases, fail time and time again. Often times they may look like fools to others with the ideas they have. They take great risks, but they they keep trying in order to save lives. And each time they try, they learn something. They don't let the discomfort and the discouragement stop them from finding that cure.

I'm only back in my comfort zone, the southeast, temporarily with no intention on staying in it. Yes, it's a "safe place" for a little while, but I can't stay here. I won't stay here.

God has spoken to me about this already, through more than one prophetic word. I know people continue asking me questions, and they probably will continue to. At some point though, you'll have to stop taking it up with me and take it up with God. Why? Because I'll get tired of repeating myself and I'll have other things I've got to get done. I can't continue answering the questions, especially questions of those who doubt. And I can't let that doubt get into my life.

I'm breaking out of the culture of fear that I've grown up in. I'm not talking about fear of God, but fear of man and fear of what will happen to me in my future. I have to break out of it. Fear is the opposite of faith, and when I'm in both cultures, when I'm influenced both by a spirit of fear and a spirit of faith, I become double minded. I cannot make clear decisions with both in operation. And I know that a fear based decision is definitely the wrong one. So I must have faith. I choose to operate in faith, not in fear. And I know some will question me, as I've said.

As far as a plan goes, yes, I am working on a plan. It's not fully developed yet. And some will try to say there was a lack of a plan the last time. The fact was there was a plan the last time. I sat down with Matt at New Beginnings Church (now New Bethel Church) and we made out a plan. Maybe it wasn't the best plan, but it was still a good one and I'm the one who messed that up. I admit that. But I can't allow that mess-up to keep me from walking in the potential that God has for me. Now I would like for them to back me in this. I hope I still have a good enough relationship with them. Even if I don't, I have moved on and I'm building relationships with other people who will back me. And I'm finding web site design work that I could eventually do telecommuting from Redding.

The ones who do great things, when they fail, they'll recognize where they failed and make changes accordingly if they need to, but they'll try again.

There's an old saying "If you don't succeed at first, try, try again". I believe this to be very true. And my friends, I will succeed. I can't guaruntee there will be no more faliures. In a recent home fellowship meeting, one of the people said "Every person I know who succeeded had to fail first."

The ones who do great things are not afraid of failure.

Ignored/how many times do I have to apologize?

So I feel like I've been ignored for the most part by my church back in Clayton, NC. I'm not mad at them. I'm the one who hurt that relationship. I want to fix it. I've apologized, and I've also agreed to get inner healing, which I've been doing. However, other than the person who's doing the sozo, I'm finding that I'm pretty much ignored.

I'm living in Chesapeake, Virginia now, so I'm not even able to make it to that church anymore. But I still want the relationship with that church.

Maybe I should just let it go. But it's hard to let go when they totally feel like family. I will be back in the area for Christmas and will try to get out to church at least one time.

I want to see this restored. It doesn't sit well in me that it's not restored.

Why I still believe I must eventually go back to Redding...

The following is a prophetic word, one of several which confirmed to me back in 2006 that I needed to be at Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry. I did not complete the first year, and I feel the Holy Spirit says things are not complete. Some of you may not have seen this word that was given to me, and others of you may have. Yes, I know sometimes prophetic words don't come to pass for various reasons from time to time. I don't think this is the case for this prophetic word and I believe it will still come to completion. And I believe if God told me to go to this, he intended for me to complete it and be fully equipped. I won't give up on this, my friends.

Prophetic word from Ivan Allum December 14, 2006

Ivan Allum: Lord, father, I thank you for Joey, Lord, the heart and

the passion of this young fellow, Lord, the stirring that flows from

him, Lord, the passion that you have birthed in this young man. You

know, Joey I see all around you, I see a wonderful heart, I see a

wonderful passion, I see a young man who has just cried out, saying

"God, I want more, I want more, I want more, I want more, I want

more". You know Joey, I'm gonna help you out here. You know, I see

what this is like, you know you've been in this place, it's just like

spinning the bottle saying "Lord, where do I go, what do I do? Lord,

how do I get to the next place?" You know, Joey, there's a call of

ministry on your life. You've known that. You have felt that inside

you and you say "God, I don't know what to do next." Joey, I've got a

number of things for you. FIrst of all, you need to go to a school of

ministry. You know, I want to suggest Bill Johnson's school. You

know, you have been crying out saying "God, I don't know where to go"

You know, Joey, I need to tell you, you know what, the Lord says "I

want to provide finances, but" the Lord says "son, you've got to

ask." You know, not just the Lord, the Lord says you've gotta start

going around and you've got to say "Hey God, I'm gonna be accountable

to my finances, I've got to talk to somebody that's going to help me

get my finances together, but then I'm also gonna go to my church,

and I'm going to ask them 'Hey, would you be willing to write me a

letter to say Hey, could you help me, could somebody be willing to

sponsor me for a year, would somebody want to sponsor me with 50 bucks

a month." You know, Joey, I just see all around you that there's

desire, there's call on your life, the lord is saying "I want to birth

these things out of you, but there's been fear of rejection around

you, there's been a fear of stepping forward, there's been a fear of

"God, I don't know what to do'" and I see all around you, Joey, that

the Lord says "You know, son, I've got to pull a number of things

together, and you've got to pull some too. Number one, son, you've

got to become a good steward of your finances, you've got to become a

steward that is putting stuff away, you've got be be, you know,

banking it in". Son, I don't tell everybody this word, ok, I don't

tell them how to do, but I'm just sharing with you what God is saying,

God is saying "Son, I know that you want to go, I know that you're

willing, and I know that you have desire." The Lord says " Son, if

you're going to get other people involved" because you know the Lord

wants to bless you, but the Lord says "if you want to get other people

involved, you've got to show them that you're going to be a steward of

what's God's. Amen? Son, I see all around you, I see music all over

you, you know, I saw you playing the guitar, and, you know, I'm a firm

believer that God has anointing and you know, somebody's going to

pick them up. You know, and a lot of times the world picks up God's

anointing in music, you know Jimmy Hendrix was one of those guys, ya

know, he'd play guitar with his teeth, and you know, that wasn't his

anointing, that was an anointing that was put out there for the

worshippers of God and you know, son, I see that anointing over you,

and the Lord said "Will you pick it up?" It doesn't matter how bad

you suck or how good you are. The Lord says "it's a matter of the

heart and what you will put into it" and the Lord says "Son, you know,

I want to raise up that worshipper out of you. I want to raise up

that young man that's going to allow the Lord to sing through his

instrument." You know, I know this young fellow and he plays electric

guitar and when he's playing in his own ability, eh, it' s not so bad,

alright, but when the spirit of the Lord flows on him, man, Hendrix

himself couldn't keep up. It's absolutely amazing! And I've heard

God sing out of his instrument, and the Lord says "son, I want to draw

that out of you, I want to draw passion out of you, I want to draw

that heart of worship that flows from you,, okay? And I don't know if

you play yet or not..."

Joey: I play synthesizer...

Ivan: Ok, well that might be your instrument

Joey: I've been wanting to learn guitar

Ivan: I want you to know this, it doesn't matter if it's guitar or

synthesizer, the Lord says "pick up your instrument, son, and call

down the heavens. Allow what flows in to flow out." Son, I see all

around you, the Lord saying "Press in, start making the steps to go

into the next level." Okay? How old are you, 19? 20?

Joey: I'm 26

Ivan: OK, the Lord says "son, it's time to start moving forward now,

alright? Get the finances in order, start selling off stuff, whatever

it costs. It's going to cost you something. " Alright? I know you've

been there and you've been floundering around like a fish in a boat

that just got pulled out of the water and saying "God, where do I go?

I don't want to go back there, but this isn't good either." The Lord

says "son, I want to start raising you up." Okay? I've given you a pretty

direct word, you know, and I usually hold those off, alright? So,

keep pressing in, alright?

So I will be back in Redding by July. No ifs, ands, or buts. Thats what I've decided.