So there's something I know I'll face when I go back home: people I've ruined my reputation with.
Now to a certain extent, I don't care what people think about me. But to a certain extent, I do care, because I want to be a reflection of God. I want them to see God in me.
I realize I've made decisions many times, and changed my mind after I made the decision. I've had the reputation of not following through, with my pastor and many at my church back at home. It's kind of hard for people to take me seriously when I need to be when I have that kind of reputation.
Among some people, I may have the reputation of being lazy, due to my inability to find a stable job here in Redding. Really, they don't understand the economy here in Redding when the economy is doing well nationwide. They really can't understand it when the economy isn't doing so well nationwide. So I'm stuck with that reputation, too.
This is not the Joseph Cagle I want people to know. I'm sorry for having this reputation, but none of this is what I intended. I thought I was following God when I was coming out to Redding, but apparently I completely missed what he was doing two years ago.
When I go home, I'll do my part to fix whatever damage I caused, and I'll let God do whatever healing he needs to do. I realize that some may never forgive me. I can only leave that up to God to handle.
I'm not giving up on Redding. I do intend on going back to BSSM, but with a different strategy. I'll still need to ask people for help, but I know that many will not want to help me anymore. I pretty much screwed myself over there. I've made it harder on myself, and I'll have to deal with the consequences. I'm sorry. But I know saying "I'm sorry" is not enough, and for some people, no matter how much things change in me, it'll never be enough.
Now to a certain extent, I don't care what people think about me. But to a certain extent, I do care, because I want to be a reflection of God. I want them to see God in me.
I realize I've made decisions many times, and changed my mind after I made the decision. I've had the reputation of not following through, with my pastor and many at my church back at home. It's kind of hard for people to take me seriously when I need to be when I have that kind of reputation.
Among some people, I may have the reputation of being lazy, due to my inability to find a stable job here in Redding. Really, they don't understand the economy here in Redding when the economy is doing well nationwide. They really can't understand it when the economy isn't doing so well nationwide. So I'm stuck with that reputation, too.
This is not the Joseph Cagle I want people to know. I'm sorry for having this reputation, but none of this is what I intended. I thought I was following God when I was coming out to Redding, but apparently I completely missed what he was doing two years ago.
When I go home, I'll do my part to fix whatever damage I caused, and I'll let God do whatever healing he needs to do. I realize that some may never forgive me. I can only leave that up to God to handle.
I'm not giving up on Redding. I do intend on going back to BSSM, but with a different strategy. I'll still need to ask people for help, but I know that many will not want to help me anymore. I pretty much screwed myself over there. I've made it harder on myself, and I'll have to deal with the consequences. I'm sorry. But I know saying "I'm sorry" is not enough, and for some people, no matter how much things change in me, it'll never be enough.
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