I am leaving California. I leave from the San Francisco airport at 1:15. I'll be back home in Raleigh, NC at 11:10 PM.
I'm going to find a job, get back to New Bethel Church (formerly New Beginnings Church) if I can find a ride. Otherwise, I'll probably be at Catch The Fire Raleigh or Higher Call. And I'm needing to get some inner healing for things.
Over the past two years here in Redding, I've received a lot of good stuff. But at the same time, there has been a lot of hurt and issues that have come up.
Part of the problem with me is that I have been influenced by two different kinds of cultures and it's still affecting me today. A culture of fear and a culture of faith.
I won't get too much into how that happened, but I'm sure that's the case with a lot of us.
I had the faith to come out to Redding. Maybe the timing was off, or maybe it was right on. I can't really tell you for certain right now. But I can tell you I came out here by faith. Not too long after that, pretty much immediately, fear crept in that I had made the wrong decision.
Since then, it's been a constant struggle. And I would constantly make decisions and then there would not be the follow-through that I needed, because I've had this intense struggle between fear and faith.
Also another problem is I have definitely found that, even though I had good intentions in following this prophetic word, and believed this prophetic word was of God (and still do believe it), rather than having God as my source, the prophetic word, the destiny spoken to me through that, gradually became my source rather than God being my source. When you have anything other than God as your source, you will begin to doubt. I was almost agnostic at one point in either January or February, because I was not seeing God coming through. However, Holy Spirit reminded me of times where he made it absolutely obvious that he exists. The healings that I've been used in, the prophetic words I've given to people and the ones I have received from people. None of this is possible without God. God's word even makes it clear! Even if I had none of these prophetic words and healings and other supernatural experiences (and actually I might have been in a little bit better shape if Ivan never gave that word, but then again maybe not, as all these issues probably wouldn't have been brought up) I should know that God exists through his Word.
A week ago, I pretty much felt like this time was all a waste if I went back home. This weekend, I realize it wasn't, and though I'm having to leave right now, I will be back, more prepared than ever.
This will probably be my last blog posting for a little while. I want to get some inner healing before I post too much more. There have been times where it has been way too negative. I want to be honest in these blogs, but I want God to be glorified in them too.
I'll end this with a quote from C.S. Lewis. "The cure for broken dreams is: Dream again. And deeper."
I'm going to find a job, get back to New Bethel Church (formerly New Beginnings Church) if I can find a ride. Otherwise, I'll probably be at Catch The Fire Raleigh or Higher Call. And I'm needing to get some inner healing for things.
Over the past two years here in Redding, I've received a lot of good stuff. But at the same time, there has been a lot of hurt and issues that have come up.
Part of the problem with me is that I have been influenced by two different kinds of cultures and it's still affecting me today. A culture of fear and a culture of faith.
I won't get too much into how that happened, but I'm sure that's the case with a lot of us.
I had the faith to come out to Redding. Maybe the timing was off, or maybe it was right on. I can't really tell you for certain right now. But I can tell you I came out here by faith. Not too long after that, pretty much immediately, fear crept in that I had made the wrong decision.
Since then, it's been a constant struggle. And I would constantly make decisions and then there would not be the follow-through that I needed, because I've had this intense struggle between fear and faith.
Also another problem is I have definitely found that, even though I had good intentions in following this prophetic word, and believed this prophetic word was of God (and still do believe it), rather than having God as my source, the prophetic word, the destiny spoken to me through that, gradually became my source rather than God being my source. When you have anything other than God as your source, you will begin to doubt. I was almost agnostic at one point in either January or February, because I was not seeing God coming through. However, Holy Spirit reminded me of times where he made it absolutely obvious that he exists. The healings that I've been used in, the prophetic words I've given to people and the ones I have received from people. None of this is possible without God. God's word even makes it clear! Even if I had none of these prophetic words and healings and other supernatural experiences (and actually I might have been in a little bit better shape if Ivan never gave that word, but then again maybe not, as all these issues probably wouldn't have been brought up) I should know that God exists through his Word.
A week ago, I pretty much felt like this time was all a waste if I went back home. This weekend, I realize it wasn't, and though I'm having to leave right now, I will be back, more prepared than ever.
This will probably be my last blog posting for a little while. I want to get some inner healing before I post too much more. There have been times where it has been way too negative. I want to be honest in these blogs, but I want God to be glorified in them too.
I'll end this with a quote from C.S. Lewis. "The cure for broken dreams is: Dream again. And deeper."
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