Sometime in 2006, I was pretty much set on fire for God! Not that I wasn't ever on fire for him before, but I just became absolutely more radical than I ever had been before. I was full of life and very enthusiastic!
2007 - still on fire, still very radical.
2008 - still on fire, still very radical, most of the year.
Towards the end of the year, I had to drop out of my first year of Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry. The financial support I had previously had stopped coming in, and the job search in Redding was not very fruitful.
March of 2009 I had a job. April of 2009 I lost my job. And so go my hopes for going back to BSSM in the fall of 2009.
I went down to Hope for Homeless Youth at the LA Dream Center for two months. Then I decided to go back up to Redding and start searching for a job again.
Somewhere in all of this, I just lost the fire and the enthusiasm I had.
I have had brief moments. But something just isn't right. This isn't me. This isn't who God created me to be. A lot of the life I had had been sucked out of me.
I'm still trying to stay positive about things and believing, but it's honestly been harder to do that.
I'm going to be moving to San Diego, California sometime this month. I've been here in Chesapeake, Virginia doing some work, but it hasn't been what I thought it would be. I wanted a job that was actually paying a decent amount of money. Well instead I get a place to stay and some stuff. That's good and all, except I have student loans to pay for and other things as well. That's being neglected.
Also I've been pulled into this ministry that I never felt I was supposed to be part of. I even told the guy I'm working for that, but still got caught up in it anyway. I'm looking forward to getting out of it. On top of that, while living here, I feel like he's trying to control aspects of my life that I don't need him to control. I don't think it's his intention, but I definitely feel that way.
I have been part of an amazing church when I've had the opportunity to go, New Life Western Branch. I totally love them. If I were to stay in the area, that's where I'd want fellowship at.
Still, I just feel like I've been sucked dry. I wonder how I ever got myself into this situation. But I know God is faithful. I know there are better things coming.
I am needing a time of refreshing. I haven't really gotten that lately. Yes, I've had plenty of time to rest in his presence, get in the word, and everything. There's still something missing as of late, and it's irritating.
I want to be in a place that's not going to suck me dry. I've been in that place before. And that doesn't mean I'm not working. In fact I was working and going to school back in 2006. I was able to get that refreshing regardless of what responsibilities I had.
Going back home isn't a great option for me anymore. I tried that and it didn't end up so well. I won't get into the details. I still love my family. I've moved on, though. I need to be out. Either I've changed too much for them or they've changed too much for me, or maybe both. I've got doors opening in San Diego, I just need to get out there. I want a decent job and not some kind of deal where I'm working, given a free place to stay and free food but having my life pretty much controlled. I don't like that. And that's what I've pretty much got right now.
In the process, though, it's not just work I want. I need a time of refreshing and I need God to do something new in me. I need to be in a place where I can truly receive from him again.
Anyway I'll post more on this later. This is a good stopping point for now.
2007 - still on fire, still very radical.
2008 - still on fire, still very radical, most of the year.
Towards the end of the year, I had to drop out of my first year of Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry. The financial support I had previously had stopped coming in, and the job search in Redding was not very fruitful.
March of 2009 I had a job. April of 2009 I lost my job. And so go my hopes for going back to BSSM in the fall of 2009.
I went down to Hope for Homeless Youth at the LA Dream Center for two months. Then I decided to go back up to Redding and start searching for a job again.
Somewhere in all of this, I just lost the fire and the enthusiasm I had.
I have had brief moments. But something just isn't right. This isn't me. This isn't who God created me to be. A lot of the life I had had been sucked out of me.
I'm still trying to stay positive about things and believing, but it's honestly been harder to do that.
I'm going to be moving to San Diego, California sometime this month. I've been here in Chesapeake, Virginia doing some work, but it hasn't been what I thought it would be. I wanted a job that was actually paying a decent amount of money. Well instead I get a place to stay and some stuff. That's good and all, except I have student loans to pay for and other things as well. That's being neglected.
Also I've been pulled into this ministry that I never felt I was supposed to be part of. I even told the guy I'm working for that, but still got caught up in it anyway. I'm looking forward to getting out of it. On top of that, while living here, I feel like he's trying to control aspects of my life that I don't need him to control. I don't think it's his intention, but I definitely feel that way.
I have been part of an amazing church when I've had the opportunity to go, New Life Western Branch. I totally love them. If I were to stay in the area, that's where I'd want fellowship at.
Still, I just feel like I've been sucked dry. I wonder how I ever got myself into this situation. But I know God is faithful. I know there are better things coming.
I am needing a time of refreshing. I haven't really gotten that lately. Yes, I've had plenty of time to rest in his presence, get in the word, and everything. There's still something missing as of late, and it's irritating.
I want to be in a place that's not going to suck me dry. I've been in that place before. And that doesn't mean I'm not working. In fact I was working and going to school back in 2006. I was able to get that refreshing regardless of what responsibilities I had.
Going back home isn't a great option for me anymore. I tried that and it didn't end up so well. I won't get into the details. I still love my family. I've moved on, though. I need to be out. Either I've changed too much for them or they've changed too much for me, or maybe both. I've got doors opening in San Diego, I just need to get out there. I want a decent job and not some kind of deal where I'm working, given a free place to stay and free food but having my life pretty much controlled. I don't like that. And that's what I've pretty much got right now.
In the process, though, it's not just work I want. I need a time of refreshing and I need God to do something new in me. I need to be in a place where I can truly receive from him again.
Anyway I'll post more on this later. This is a good stopping point for now.
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